September 16, 2010

My (Soon-to-Be) Patented Weight-Loss Plan

If I could write a book or get this patented or whatever, I could make a billion dollars with my new weight-loss plan. Are you ready for it?

Go get a job teaching a couple of high school classes.

That's it.

Here's why it works: Who wants to stand in front of a room full of skinny little 15 - 18 year old girls and be the biggest girl in the room? I know I don't. This gives that old phrase "the elephant in the room" new meaning. For years, I've been searching for the motivation to finally lose the 10, ok 15, alright 20 pounds of baby weight that never just fell off me like I wanted it to. I have discovered it.

I thought that my 20th high school reunion would be the perfect motivating factor. It wasn't though. The problem is that I've seen enough pictures of my old classmates on facebook to know that (with very few exceptions) they don't look any better than I do.

Also, even with my extra weight, it has always been a rare situation that I was ever the biggest girl in the room. So, I suppose I never felt self-conscious enough to do the hard work. NOW, however, I am ALWAYS the big girl in my class. It doesn't matter to me that I'm the teacher and they are mere children. These children are as tall as me and, in my mind, I should not be this much bigger than them.

There's also this: I'm old enough to be their VERY YOUNG mother. This realization was the final straw for me. Just because I'm old enough to be their mother, doesn't mean I want to look like their mother. (Not that there's anything wrong with their mothers. The ones I've met are really cute.) I AM, however, okay looking like their VERY YOUNG aunt or their MUCH OLDER sister. This is a compromise I'm willing to make.

I am happy to report that I put on a pair of jeans that I have not worn since last spring, and they buttoned just fine with no bulging over the top - at least when I'm standing up. Ya-hoo. This is real progress. I really don't care or know exactly how much I weigh, I just want my clothes to fit.

P. S. I give all credit to The Princess of Sarcasm for reminding me that I don't want to be the elephant in the room. You'll have to visit her blog to know what I mean.


  1. I hear ya! I traveled to a conference with two of my very tall and skinny college kids this summer. I not only felt fatty fatty two by four but also short and stout! Ha.

  2. Yea for you!!!!! Not being the biggest, oldest, or most wrinkled girl in the room certainly boosts your ego. I would love to hear what Jen has to say about my particular problem... at least then everytime I look in the mirror I could laugh until I cry instead of just skipping the laughing part. Another tip - you usually hear if you want to stay young spend time around young people. I say if you want to feel young hang around senior centers and nursing homes - does the trick for me every time. Have a happy weekend!


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